Notre Dame Fighting Irish Purdue Boilermakers Football Match

Most of the civilized world don’t like our Lady. It is a well established fact. While your natural reaction of disgust and loathing to hearing the words “Notre Dame” is perfectly normal, you’ve probably never really thought about why. It’s the equivalent of asking why is the grass green? But just as the non-Nebraska B1G fans among us can answer this question (the herb produces a pigment called chlorophyll, and the chlorophyll reflects green light waves), we can also explain why all of civilized society should be encouraging Purdue to fight back. Notre Dame this Saturday. In the following article, I will try to do just that.

The name of the Notre Dame team makes absolutely no sense

The “University” of Notre Dame du Lac was founded when a French-born bishop donated land originally purchased by a French-born priest on behalf of the Catholic Church to another French-born priest in condition that he builds a college there. Despite this strong involvement of French priests at the beginning of their history, ND bears the nickname “Fighting Irish” despite the fact that the Irish have always been terrible fighters. The ancient history of the Irish people is full of Viking raids and Viking looting followed by many English conquests. The only reason we see multiple conquests by England of the island is because the English often got involved in infighting with each other, left to go and fight bigger battles, then had to come back and “conquer” the island again by declaring itself responsible. During this time, France slowly captured Alsace and Lorraine over the course of 100 years, constantly invaded Italy and Germany, and it took all of Europe to end France’s militarist conquests under Napoleon. Not to mention that France once went to war with England in a war of over 100 years (which France also won by the way). If you wanted your nickname to be “Fighting ________”, at least pick someone a) good at fighting and b) who you have a connection with.

The war of Notre-Dame against the potatoes.

Alice Mannette / HUTCHNEWS via Imgn Content Services, LLC

Did you know Notre Dame never played Idaho or Boise State in football? Or that they’ve never played in the famous Idaho Potato Bowl? It is because they are afraid of potatoes and are trying to eliminate them from this planet. Right now you might be wondering, “Why would anyone be afraid of potatoes?” The answer goes back to Our Lady’s decision to make Irish history her own (which, as a person of about 1/8 Irish descent, I find offensive by the way). If you don’t know your story, the Irish potato famine lasted from 1845 to 1852 and resulted in massive famine and disease following a widespread potato plague. It also resulted in the emigration of large numbers of Irish people (including my ancestors of around 1/8) from Ireland as they sought the ability not to starve. Now why a French school would fear a potato, I don’t really know because France has suffered much less from the scourge of the potato than Ireland, the Benelux or Germany. Cultural misappropriation is wrong and turning the suffering of millions of people into a bogus war on potatoes is wrong and Notre Dame football should be ashamed of itself for doing so.

Notre Dame has unilaterally ended a long-standing streak with rival Purdue.

Nikos Frazier / Journal & Courier via Imgn Content Services, LLC

They did it to play more games against schools like North Carolina State, Wake forest, Louisville and Virginia. Nothing against these schools, but ending a long-standing rivalry in order to play in these schools more often is a cowardly act. Since 1946, Purdue and Notre Dame had played for 69 consecutive beautiful years every year. Then Notre Dame ended the series. Resuming the series this year, they only agreed to play 2 games in a row before taking another break. 2 years is not nice.

Notre Dame has an ongoing streak with Navy and their fans would rather play this game on B1G schools.

Photo by Amanda Sabga / MediaNews Group / Boston Herald

In another twist on the culture of the Irish people, Notre Dame has bonded with the Navy and their fans regard their annual match as a sacred tradition. Despite the fact that South Bend is not near a large body of water and 634 miles from Annapolis, Notre Dame fans believe this game is more important than playing the State’s B1G teams. Purdue and Indiana, or close neighbors. Michigan State, Michigan and Northwest. What exactly is Notre-Dame’s link with the Navy? Well, again Notre Dame has stolen Irish history. Just as the Irish are constantly beaten by the English, the early years of the US Navy were filled with humiliating defeats for the English Navy. Fortunately for the US Navy, the US Army was there to beat the English in the 18th and 19th centuries, when the Irish could not even convince the historic rivals of the English (the Scots) to fight alongside them.

Notre Dame hates the traditions of college football.

Christopher Hanewinckel-USA TODAY Sports

College football is full of great traditions. Michigan losing to Ohio state every year Iowa fans don’t care about hospitalized kids and Wisconsin fans try to crash their stadium every Saturday by jumping their really big weights at the same time the B1G has a number of big traditions. One of the Purdues is that their marching band has a big drum. Some might even call it the of the world State of Indiana’s largest drum. The Drum (as well as the Purdue Train mascot) goes regularly to every Purdue football game and hasn’t missed a performance since 1979. Despite this tradition, rumor has circulated this week that Notre Dame will not allow the drum. in the stadium on Saturday. Illinois lets Purdue bring a cannon into their stadium when they play and Notre Dame won’t even let a drum in. Questions posed to Notre Dame’s sports director went unanswered as to why he hates pleasure and tradition.

Notre Dame hates puppies.

Photo by Stephan Schulz / picture alliance via Getty Images

Listen, I’m not going to provide a source for everything. It’s the Internet and those of you who are still reading can do your own research as you do everything else. I’m sure you’ll continue to let us know in the comments what your research says.

Notre Dame supports the death penalty for crimes

Photo by Ezra Shaw / Getty Images

Full Disclosure: I think the death penalty is wrong and this is state sanctioned murder. But even if you are for the death penalty (which is a free country, we may not agree), most reasonable people would agree that this should not be applied to the relatively minor crime of gambling. Notre-Dame football team. Contrary to that view, Notre Dame’s best-known spokesperson Brian Kelly released a statement to the media nearly two weeks ago saying he was pro running his own team. Since that date, there has been no retraction from the university on this statement, so it’s pretty safe to say that all of Notre Dame is in agreement on this point. While I agree that it should be illegal to play for the Notre Dame football team, the nature of this crime means that the punishment should really be a small fine and not an execution.

In conclusion

Dear “readers”, I think I have provided more than enough evidence to explain why you should root for the Purdue Boilermakers beat the Notre Dame Fighting Irish this Saturday. What you really didn’t need because you already didn’t like Notre-Dame. While Purdue is unlikely to win, your support can make a difference. So think of this as a call to action. If all of the OTE “readers” bet heavily on Notre Dame to win, karmic justice will occur and Purdue can upset you while you all lose money gambling. If you don’t bet on Notre Dame, you probably hate puppies too.