It seems that the “shortcut” to healing is to let go of the anger. This allows you to focus on whatever you want, and your brain, through the process of neuroplasticity, will respond with structural changes. Your brain will develop wherever you place your attention, but it’s hard to move forward unless you can break free from the past, especially the distant past over which you have no control.
If you don’t let go (and you have a choice), you are more likely to get sick, and often with serious illness or illness. These data are clear. On the Holmes-Rahe scale which lists and rates known sources of stress, if you score more than 300 points, there is an 80% chance that you will have serious health problems within two years.
We are all “geniuses” of suffering. We have to deal with it on a daily basis and most of us haven’t learned the right skills to deal with stress. To become equally adept at enjoying our life requires repetition of specific tools.
We were back on the East Coast on vacation and enjoying a beautiful location by the Atlantic Ocean. We were on a large bay and it couldn’t have been more idyllic. Our friends were showing us around the area, and as we drove towards the end of the road we came across smaller homes in what felt like a quiet, welcoming community right on the water’s edge. Then we came across these signs.
Source: David Hanscom
We looked to the right and there was a nice fence about 100 feet long. It was a single partition whose sole function was to block the view of the neighbor. That’s all we know. Whatever the reasons for building this barrier, from a neuroprogramming and health perspective, this situation is a disaster.
Source: David Hanscom
The house is the perfect place to relax and enjoy your friends and family, as well as your neighbors. If you experience stress every time you drive around your house, your nervous system, and therefore your body chemistry, will ignite. Your physiology is in flight or sustained combat mode, and this scenario not only ends up hurting your quality of life, but your immune system can attack your own tissues as well, causing many chronic diseases.
One question: Why do you want to keep your attention on someone in your life that you don’t like or even despise? You have given this person deep control. It’s one of the least logical things we do, give up our power to live our own life. These resentful neighbors can physiologically destroy each other. Who will let go?
Consider an alternative that my friend Bernie Siegal might suggest. Siegel is a surgeon and author of several books, including, Love, medicine and miracles.1 He has also documented the stories of many terminal cancer survivors and still leads a group where they share their stories. Love and connection are the common theme. As destructive as hate is, love is an equally powerful healing force.
Many people choose to be right rather than happy. They will argue until the end about the “correctness” of their thoughts and actions. They don’t care what they do to people they argue with.
Why are they behaving like this? Are they perfect? No, few of us could claim to be. They just don’t want to see their fallibility and admit the weaknesses that come with being human.
When you are ready to give up being right, you will find peace and happiness. When you’re ready to learn, you’ll be right.
If you want to be happy and free, give up always being right.
Source: Vlada / AdobeStock
Think about what would be possible if one of the neighbors took Bernie’s approach. If he feels that someone is upset, no matter what their behavior, he says, “I love you. What would this world be like? What about your own life?